Mom, don't read this

So I celebrated the past holiday (America's Birthday Day for those not keeping track) by doing the thing that we Americans tend to do best.

My friends and I blew things up and marveled at the pretty colors that showed up.

Now, I'm just a college kid, and college kids can be really dumb sometimes. I am no exception. The day's events included three roman candle battles between my friend and I. Worry not! We both had paintball masks on, so we were completely safe from harm. Other notable events included a failed attempt to launch a bottle rocket from my shoe while I was wearing it, resulting in the first injury of the night.

At some point I realized that the sticks of bottle rockets could fit in the holes of the button on my pants. Needless to say not too long after this discovery I was launching bottle rockets left and right, giving a whole new meaning to the term "crotch rocket". Now, there were some problems on the launch pad, resulting in me frantically knocking the rocket away before, well before some damage was done to vital organs. This little stunt coupled with me having to knock a few bottle rockets away eventually led to the last few injuries of the night, a bunch of burns on my hands which are already fading into memory.

Those were really the only notably stupid things that we did. Some other stupid things we did included throwing lit bottle rockets into the air (timed so that they shot off in random directions), and throwing packs of firecrackers and bottle rockets into the campfire we had going.

I will never forget the four of us standing around, belting out the Star Spangled Banner while the fountains and big artillery shells went off around us.

God bless this country